If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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