I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
