dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
