Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you never un-have a 4some
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
