she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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