i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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