I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
