We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
