I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
