I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
