Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
