I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
