please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
