I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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