seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
