Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
