Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
