Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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