I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
