well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
