I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
