Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
