Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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