1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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