can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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