I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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