I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
