he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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