Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
