I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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