cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just high enough for therapy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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