I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
