only if we run a train.
done.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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