I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
