If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
