I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
