fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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