Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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