my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
