I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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