We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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