I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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