if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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