I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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