You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
