I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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