im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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