Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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