Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
