take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
