What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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