You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
this hospital has no fireball
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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